is one of those strappy things to keep my glasses on my face. When I was very young, there was such a device made out of black elastic and only the nerdliest of nerds would wear such a thing. I wore such a thing, but only when I played soccer. I quit playing soccer when I found out what a nerd was. I had a Russian History professor in college who wore one of those. He was the type of guy who had transcended cool or nerd and once called off class to go “put down a revolution of proletariat trout in the Smokeys.” I’m not that cool.
So what I want are what I believe we call “Croakies”? Or that’s what we called them when they came out in the early nineties. Or maybe it was even the late eighties. In any event, these were much cooler than the black elastic strap. I sort of remember them being associated with a Miami Vice look, but that may be attributing too much cool to them. What it does capture, I think, is their place in time when it comes to eye glasses retention apparati. They’re dated. That’s what I’m saying.
There is another option. One made of some type of cloth which attaches to the temples (earpieces, for the uninitiated.) The cloth then hangs down the back like some sort of tail and can be adjusted via a bead-like device. You might often see this being worn by, say, a raft guide. Or a fisherman. Generally someone who drinks beer a lot and probably also smokes marijuana. Never a teacher of Russian History. (He’s upgraded to Croakies, BTW.)
You’d think that this purchase would be as easy to execute as scoring a Sex Pistols t-shirt in Spencer’s Gifts down at the mall. Alas, that is not so. Three tries resulted in three strikes for your’s truly this evening. True, they were all big box stores, but come on! Croakies! That’s all I need now that I have single vision glasses in plastic frame to wear when I am running in the dark. They were all I needed before I got them. Now I need to keep them on my face.