Mama died on a Saturday. Wednesday before that, my Obi Wan announced “his” retirement. You did not know the Jedis retire, did you? That’s what made it such a shocker. Friday of that week, a thing which I had been working on for two years or something came together and was more successful than I could have imagined. It was a big seven days and it kind of blew my mind in a way I was not prepared for.
Several months later, I went searching for a new Obi Wan, only to run in to, can you guess? No, not really Lord Vader. Nothing is that black and white, although did you notice that despite being voiced by James Earl Jones, Darth Vader was played by a white actor in “The Return of the Jedi”? Let’s just say that I was not comfortable on Hoth, so when I started to roam the galaxy again, I was pretty cautious and not quite sure of my own skills as a Padawan.
Landing somewhere in the Degova System, it was good to be of some use. What needed to be done was clear, and I returned to my roots as farmer, condenser tech, and landspeeder mechanic because there was no one else to do it. They were glad to have me and laughed at my jokes. I enjoyed a sense of belonging and mutual endeavor which I had not felt in a while. While it was not like coming home, it was a place that could become home.
If one was willing to make all the sacrifices necessary to live there, and in the end what made it a good place to be is what made it possible for me to leave. After a good amount of time in the Degova System, I have started to feel myself again. I wasn’t entirely sure that would happen. It’s at least partially due to the people I have been with for the last two years that I feel confident to take on other challenges, to see if I will ever be a Jedi. For all my nonchalance, I owe them and will miss them more than they know.