Whatever ad exec came up with “you deserve …” gets a special corner of hell. The first one I can recall is the McDonald’s “you deserve a break today,” but that can’t be the first ever. What this has spawned is a whole series of ideas about what we deserve and how those things can be provided through a process that merely requires money.
So here is what I deserve:
Chocolate mousse cake from Filo
A bathtub big enough to fit all of my parts in simultaneously
Hot water for the tub
A sweet road bike
An iPad
An Android tablet
Tickets to NYC and a sweet place to stay
On the other hand, I also deserve the following:
Multiple DUIs
Citations for tresspass and destruction of property
Venereal disease and / or paternity suits
A swift kick in the balls by several ex-girlfriends
Tetnus
Having my eyes scratched out by a cat
All of which is to say that on the whole it is probably best that I do not get what I deserve.