You’ve got to want to

A friend stops by.  Recently, and nastily, divorced.  Custody still rages.  The landscape also shifts at work.  The work being similar to mine, friend wants to know if this is something that can — and should — continue to be done.  Part of the question is easy because yes, you can do the work.  The hard part is answering the question, “do you want to?”

I’m not a will power freak.  Successories will not be printing my pithy quotations beneath a team of rowers.  But I do know that what I do is not terribly difficult.  In fact, the most important things I do in any area of my life are not technically challenging.  How hard is it to order gifts on the internet?  The difficult part is getting me to want to do it.

Sometimes I can function quite well in an environment of effort and reward.  I do this so that I can have that.  Usually that is a) edible or b) electronic gadgetry.  The only problem is that there is not enough of that to make it worth my while.  Not enough in the world, I mean.  Sooner or later, I just have to want to for its own sake, not for the reward.

There have been a scant few times in my life when I have really gotten there.  When I am not concerned about the reward but I am interested in the  task.  These have been the most contented times of my life.  I want to be there again soon.