Apparently Altamont is the talk of Houston. As I was catching up with GI LeeJo last night, he mentioned that Operation Vacay has made the news all the way down to the banks of the Ship Channel. I thought our general excitement was a result of having nothing much else to do here. Apparently we have slipped into the realm which VPOTUS describes as a “big fuckin’ deal.” (GI LeeJo was set to rant about the reports that the President has not taken a vacation since Christmas GILJ being of the opinion that Christmas was not all that long ago so who needs another vacation. I find that argument a bit hollow given the prior Oval Office occupant’s record of days spent in actual occupation. More to the point, as Ace has eruditely argued, it’s not as if these guys don’t have cell phones. “Hoooray for vacay!” means something a bit different when you are Leader of the Free World. [Does he still get that title, or are we classifying the whole world as free at this point? {Not that freedom is free, or China for that matter, but given that the Cold War is over and all, maybe the title has expired. Or maybe they went ahead and re-registered it just in case. <Boy, wouldn’t it be embarrassing if someone else registered that title and then squatted on it? A person could make some serious cash that way. Note to self, “Check on registration of ‘Leader of the Free World Title’ after writing blog post. But you might want to register Tallulah for Dub Camp first or your Sweet Lady might get testy.“>}])
So it will be exciting to see what POTUS and FLOTUS do with their kids while taking a break from the SCOTUS drama. Folks are organizing to get graffiti removed and inviting the Prez to their charity fundraisers. God knows that the Carolina Stompers are headed to 12 Bones by the F150 full in the hopes of telling Mr. Obama where to stick his health care. How about another Hogzilla and some cheese grits while you’re waiting, Chad? I think you are going to be there a while. The only folks who will likely get to peep POTUS will be the runners on Kimberly Avenue who see his tee shot at #5 on Sunday morning when he has talked FLOTUS into taking the kids to some u-pick place up in Marshall. He’ll pay for that one when they find out that nothing is in season yet.
I’ve got a plan, though, and I know it will work because I’ve seen his kind before: writers who smoke. All these writers who come to the Valley of Love and Delight to work on their MFAs think that they will suddenly become runners for the two weeks they are here despite the fact that they have been smoking since age 8 and the only “athletic shoes” they own are made by ECCO. So they wind up doing a lot of walking. I figure that there is no way the President will not try to take on Sunset Mountain while he is in town. All I have to do is get up there early Saturday morning and run around until I see him talking a walk break. Since he will be alone, he will want somebody to talk to; therefore, I will talk to him. In the course of the conversation, we will hit on the fact that he knows Oprah, who knows Tyler Perry. I will casually mention that I have a screenplay in my backpack which, after he reads it of course, he could, if he likes it, pass it along to Oprah who could, maybe, pass it along to Tyler. Not that she would have to. Or the President, for that matter. I’m just saying that it is a good script and I would totally give them a shout out in my MTV Movie Awards speech.