This may not be the most magnanimous post ever. I feel bad about that. I really do. But I do take occasional pleasure in looking through the police mug shot pictures on the newspaper’s website. There are several categories that these pictures tend to fall into:
a) This is the saddest fucking day in the life of this person. I feel sorry that it has come to this for them.
b) This person has been accused of violent behavior. (All those pictured have only been arrested, not convicted.) I’m not commenting on the picture of a violent person. In fact, it’s cool. I never even saw that picture dude. Sorry man, I have to split.
c) Ok, I’m no peach, but I damn sure look / looked better than that at that age.
d) Wow! You must be enjoying jail.
The following falls into this category:
So my boy was arrested for felony larceny. In any other state, that would be “grand larceny,” which sounds better to me. If you did not know, larceny means “stealing shit.” Felony larceny means stealing a lot of shit. Or, in North Carolina, stealing shit “without regard to value” if the it is (1) from the person (2) committed pursuant to certain types of breaking or enterings (3) of any explosive or incendiary device or (4) of any firearm. I don’t know which he did, but I’m glad he had a good time doing it.