I’ve really been disappointed with the lack of “The Top 10 X of the Decade” lists. Really, people, I need to know which “Apprentice” contestants were the best, and you are letting me down. Maybe you are still worn out from Y2K, because that shit was off the hook. Perhaps you are one of those dweebs who wants to point out that, in fact, we still have one more year in this decade. Or maybe you’re printing lists like Geithner prints money and I’ve missed them because I watch too much PBS. That is very likely. In any event, I’d like to take the opportunity to mark a few significant things that happened to me this decade. Because when you know more about me, you know more about yourself (at least that is how it works for your’s truly.)
1) I got married in this decade! WOOT! [The preceding “WOOT!” does not indicate that mine is a bride purchased via the internet on a one day sale. The “WOOT!” is an expression of happiness.] I did not know what I was getting into being married. Who does? What I do know is that I am a better person because I am married to my Sweet Lady. Thanks darlin’!
2) Tallulah was born! WOOT! [Same “WOOT!” rules apply.] Again, no idea what being a parent was going to mean. So glad I am one.
3) Mama died. BOO! This sucked. I will miss her for as long as I live, but I get to put special emphasis on the last verse of that David Alan Coe song. Remind me to tell you about our last conversation. If I had it to do all over again, I would have the exact same conversation.
4) I found my calling, lost it, sort of found it again, gave up, and it sort of happened to me. See, what I do is sometimes loosely connected to how I earn money. I have spent some significant time trying to figure out how to do my thing and get paid for it. That may not happen, but I need to do my thing anyway. Hmm, subject for further discussion.
5) I ran 4 marathons. That’s crazy, dude! I was always the guy on the couch with a smoke and a cup of coffee. John Belushi’s ad for “Little Chocolate Donuts” was my favorite Saturday Night Live skit. Now I’m looking at food labels and wondering if those are actually useful calories in that donut.
6) We got cell phones, then dropped our landline, then I got a Palm, then a smartphone, then I ditched the smartphone, then I got an iTouchy. Tonight I lost my cell phone. That’s the first time that has happened, and yes, I did try calling it. Please let me know if you see it.
7) I only moved twice this decade. I moved every year in the last decade. I never want to move again. I could see living somewhere else, but not moving there.
8) I stopped eating meat. This just sort of happened one day after I had breakfast with a priest. The two are not really connected. I did not have a whole lot of reasons to become vegetarian, but I have a lot of reasons to stay one.
9) I became a morning person. I’d rather get up at 5:00 than stay up until 5:00. How did this happen?
10) I blogged. You didn’t think I would leave you out, did you? Of course you are important to me. No, not as important as getting married and having a kid. I mean, come on. What? Whoa! Don’t even go to the Mama place, because I will make motions intended to produce an ass whoopin’ on you which will result in humiliating me. Just be glad you made the list, because the tattoo did not. Although I guess I could file that under “Mama.”
So anyway, there you have the Sanuk D decade in review. Next decade, in Jerusalem.