Esse quam videri

You’ve heard that before, right?

Somewhere.

Where was it?

Oh. right on. The North Carolina State Motto. That’s a lot sexier than the motto I grew up with in Tennessee. “Agriculture and Commerce.” Who gives a crap? Ok, ok, that’s like the whole basis for an economy, but still. It’s not terribly inspiring. “Esse quam videri” on the other hand. That’s some Latin stuff right there. Solid.

I took Latin in High School. Have I mentioned that before? Mr. Oakes taught Latin. By year three, he was merciful, not calling on me very often. I wasn’t a bad student. Wait, I was a bad Latin student, but I did not lack ability. I lacked passion then. There are times now when I wish I had had more passion then. Ah, well.

I could still read Latin well enough when I got to college in North Carolina to sort of understand what “Esse quam videri” meant. “To be rather than to seem.” That’s a fair sight better than “Commerce and Agriculture.” I can get behind “to be rather than to seem” although the phrase starts to get a little squirrely when I try to nail it down.

That’s probably just my head though and not the actual words. All the words mean is what they say, “I’m going to put my energy into being who I am, not enhancing how I appear to be.” In the twenty-something years since I first encountered it, that motto is no easy rule to live by. I say I want to get my finances in order, lose weight, be a good employee, husband, father, son, and brother. What I do is watch YouTube videos until late and wake up grumpy. It’s not ax murder, but it’s not esseing quam videring.

So I try. And I wonder if that is enough, except for when I’m doing it. Then I know it’s fine. Or maybe on fine but good enough. Besides which, people get it. Especially the people around me. The people I’m close to. They get it. Thank God, because if I had to try to explain it, I’d be screwed.