Rarely do I feel so bold, or aggressive, but I think it has to be said. I can whip Chuck Norris’s ass. Ground AND pound. This statement is made in full knowledge that it not only puts me at risk, it has the potential to endanger my Sweet Lady, Tallulah, and even the seven pound mound of hound, Thunder the Wonder Dog. At this point, I just don’t care. This is the secret to my invincibility.
“But Sanuk D,” you exclaim, “why sacrifice your empathy, your passion, your essence for invicibilitiness?” Oh very young one, what you do not realize is that this has not been the path I would have chosen for myself. Like you, I would have preferred the path of the four noble principles: temperate weather, sensible school schedules, dogs that do not poo indoors, and consistent availability of grande, half-caf, no whip, lo-fat mocha cappuccino. Alas, so many of these principles have been violated in recent months that my chakra may never again find alignment.
Transgression of the first noble principle is to be expected on a somewhat limited scale during the period between Beltane and Imbolc, but the current descent to the 6th Circle shows no signs of letting up. Perforce, this leads to a breaking of the second principle, yet denial runs strong in the Ministry of Education. Therefore we have delays, deceptions, and my rising way the hell too early only to find out it is all in vain. Concurrent, but not concupiscent, to the immediate preceding is a breaking of the third principle. When your seven pound mound has three inch legs, it is understandable that he would not want to venture into six foot snow drifts. But we have had crap in the living room on sunny days lately. A return to crate training is auspicious of a restoration of the third noble principle and, by extension, the first two.
What remains in the fourth. I have been spare in my testing of the mocha principle, for if it goes, Chuck is sure to follow. Knowing that the world would be a more dangerous place without Walker: Texas Ranger, it makes more sense to only occasionally confirm the continued availability of what has been independently verified as the Colonel’s Original Recipe for Ambrosia. Hence Tallulah, my Sweet Lady, and Thunder the Wonder Dog remain safe from a preemptive strike by Chuck Norris, who has recently been seen delivering Counter Culture Espresso Roast throughout Altamont.