When I am old I shall wear purple
And a bigass Sousaphone that does not go
When I take Thunder the Wonder dog
Out for a walk with a brass instrument
On my shoulder everyone will ask
“Hey, what’s up with the tuba?”
And I will answer them, saying
“It’s not a tuba, dumbass, it’s a Sousaphone.”
To which they will respond
“Tuba … Sousaphone … whatever. What’s up with that?”
But I will not hear them because
I will have a stinking tuba blasting away in my ear
And a significant obstacle to bending
So as to collect pet waste
In accordance with the HOA regulations
But all the kids will think I am cool
And they will say, “Hey cool tuba!”
And I will keep my thoughts about the difference
Between tubas and Sousaphones to myself
The older ones will ask if I know the guy from the Roots
“The one with the ‘fro pick?” I’ll ask
“No the one with the Sousaphone.”
And I will not know him personally
But we will still get along because
They will be impressed that I know the Roots
And I will be impressed that they know
The difference between a Sousaphone and a tuba
And I will start wearing my Sousaphone now
So that people will not be so shocked
When I am playing second line marches
On their front yard at 6:30 Saturday morning.