Hold on just a minute there, mister! This is a family show. None of that tantalizing titillation will be shown here! Especially not that ridiculousness with the whip cream at the end. That’s just weird. Or over the top, depending on how you look at it. I assume Katy Perry had some sort of plan to get girls interested in her song because they thought it was “sweet” or they were confused about the difference between “cute” and “sexy” (which is a real problem, IMHO.) I know how she planned to see records to boys.
But I did not come here to preach today, brothers and sisters. My issue with Ms. Perry’s song is that it was released in May, 2010. Likewise, another potential Summer Jam 2012 – irrevocably implanted into my brain by Jon Reid – is Billy Ray Cyrus’s daughter’s declaration of libertineness, “Party in the USA.” This, of course, was released in August, 2009. This, of course, will not do.
So I am in search of a summer jam. It does not have to be performed by a woman half my age. “Coconuts” by Widespread Panic did great one year. “Make Some Noise” by the Beastie Boys did a more that adequate job in 2011. All I am saying is that, when my windows are down and my tattoos are showing, I need something to blast from the Subaru. Like a new Rat Jackson song. In the meantime: