There comes a time in a man’s life when he has to admit that he has gained weight. I’ve seen guys who try to deny this by wearing the same pants even though they can’t use the pockets anymore. What you wind up doing then is carrying a fanny pack, which is fine if that’s how you roll, but dude. There are also guys who clip everything to their belts: keys, phone, water bottle, what have you. I desire to be neither of these people.
So I went to the Ruggedo Warehouse the other day because that’s where the fat boys go when they want to shop. Actually, I don’t know if the real Fat Boys shop there, but they do have a lot of “urban wear.” That’s a euphemism the right out pisses me off. Let’s just say “clothes that are marketed to African Americans” please. Anyway, the Ruggedo Warehouse has good clothes cheap, and they also have some interesting fashion choices.
Like the purely white sweat pants. (Not “active wear.” Nobody gets “active” in a pair of white pants. “Busy” perhaps. Not “active.”) They had these nice pants for like $10 and also white hoodies for around the same price. AN ALL WHITE SET OF WARM-UPS! Perfect for shabbat. Except that I don’t celebrate shabbat. So what, I want a set of white warm ups.
Alas, they are not in the budget. My Sweet Lady and I are, as Killer Beez would say, “saving up.” We are saving up for big things. I can’t go spending our money on shabbat clothes. But wait! I got a bonus! Bonus money can be spent on useless stuff, right? Or maybe a small portion? If I spent the rest on Christmas presents, it would all even out, right?