Just to be clear, it’s not like I decided to put on weight. That’s not really how these things come to be, I don’t think. Not unlike a nasty case of athlete’s foot, I wake up to find that a situation that once seemed trivial — a scratch or two here, a tight fitting pair of pants there — all of a sudden I’m stopping by Target on the way to work for a pair of khakis and a tube of tough actin’ Tinactin. It can get expensive, and it can get embarrassing. Maybe not Al Roker embarrassing but not something you want to make a habit out of.
So which habits are to be made instead? If getting heavy (dare I say “fat”) is something that happens when I’m not paying attention, the perhaps the trick is to pay attention. Feel free, if you want, to elevate this to a spiritual practice of mindfulness. I guess it works more as a practical minding to the spirit for me. Left to my own devices, I’m not that good of a person. (Witness the indulgence in Little Debbie’s because, even though everyday can’t be a day for indulging, today can. And maybe tomorrow.) I need help.
I need the spirit’s help, and I need help from the sangha, the ummah, the church, the community. Trouble being, I don’t always want to ask. From the time I could talk, I would say again and again “I do it myself.” That’s what kids do. That’s what grown-ups do. We celebrate the idea of the man who stands on his own two feet. It feels good to think that I am an island, unto myself. But its not true.
Nor do I think I really want it to be. I don’t only need help from other people, I want to be connected to other people. I can’t get connected just standing on the island. I have to swim for the mainland. (Fat cells are more buoyant, by the way.) It seems like a long way to go. I might not make it on my own. Keep an eye on me, will you? Throw me a line if it starts looking dicey.
In 2005 I gained 60 lbs in about 4 months. I remember sitting at lunch with coworkers and noticing one of them checking out my cleavage… which I had never had before and was able to reduce by getting a bra that fit. I ran to the department store and bought pant suits with elastic waist on my way to work! But my story isn’t one you want to follow since I never have gotten “thin” again but I have learned to live with the extra weight and not be so focused on body image. And, I did “stop myself” from gaining 60 more! But after being thin my whole life it was strange to be fat at first… it still really bothers my Mother! You are a wonderful person, regardless of your weight – be happy!
I’m doing some math here and wondering if, well, never mind. Thanks, though. There are medical reasons for me to drop some pounds, but there are plenty of good reasons why I should not expect to look like George Cloony.
I’ve been on a 15 month, 15 lb journey of “Blahness”, myself. Recently, though, I decided to try and winch myself off of the couch and back to the running path. It’s going pretty unevenly. Good luck to you.