On our first night in LA, we went out to dinner at a neighborhood Mexican restaurant. There was a staff person for each stage of the meal: the guy who took you to your seat, another guy for water, the menu guy. Except the menu guy did not carry menus, he was the menu. He’d ask what you were in the mood for – chicken, pork, beef, vegetarian – and then he would come up with some suggestions in that category. It seemed kind of like Menu Guy was figuring out what you wanted and then was going to get the kitchen to fix it for you. In reality, he was probably making me fit into what he had to serve.
After dinner, we strolled back to the hotel through a classic California evening to the mid-century modern hotel. Feeling somewhat jet-lagged, my colleagues and I said good night even though it was only a little after 7pm on the West Coast. Not interested in going out anywhere, but not ready for sleep, I borrowed “High Fidelity” from the hotel’s library of videos. Who knew that my friends from college had made a movie? Jack Black’s character in particular was cut from the same cloth as Derrick. The final scene, which begins with a cringe-inducing anticipation of disaster and ends with a surprisingly well turned big gesture, gave me fresh insight into my friend and the nature of relationships.
Derrick, you see, can pull off a big gesture. I’m slightly awkward and uncomfortable doing the same, and my timing can be bad. This used to lead me to discount the big gesture as unimportant and a poor substitute for minding the little things. The problem is that the big gesture busts us out of routines and reminds us of what is special in a relationship. Sometimes I’d like to use a big gesture to show what a great guy I am. Like right now, while my Sweet Lady is down with the H1N1. I want to be the guy who holds back her hair while she pukes. The problem is, she hates that. She just wants to be left alone. Sometimes the grand gesture is something I don’t do, even if I don’t get credit for its absence.