I love my country, so after our crushing defeat to Ghana in the World Cup, I have promptly stopped paying attention to the vuvuzela-fest all together. (Is Andorra still in? I’ll start watching again if Andorra gets to the semis.) My short attention span and lack of desire to continue singing “Ole! Ole, Ole, Ole! Ole! Ole!” would cause my international-sport-following-so-you-know-I’m-liberal heart to stop if I were not able to start screaming “Allez! Allez! Allez!” this Saturday. Le Tour de France begins in Rotterdam which astute geographers have pointed out is not exactly in France. It is, however, closer than, say, Dublin where the Tour started in 1998. Team Saeco Cannondale exchanged their trademark red kits for Irish green in support of the peace process in Northern Ireland.
Between Team Rabobank and Euskatel-Euskadi, there should be plenty of Dutch orange on this year’s starting line. Euskatel’s orange is actually Basque, and don’t you friggin’ forget it. As a matter of fact, everything about the team is Basque including all the riders. As true sons of the high Pyrenees, these riders are definitely going to be a part of any hard climbing stages and as such are always considered contenders for the overall title. Unfortunately for these skinny little guys, who ARE NOT SPANIARDS, this year’s course includes several encounters with the dreaded pave. The last time such a section was included, Euskatel’s hero du jour was Iban Mayo. Mayo wound up crashing in the pave and never making up the time gap.
“What is pave anyway?” you ask? Well, first of all it’s not “pay-v”, it’s “pah-vay” which I could show you if I had a French-speaking keyboard. Second, it’s cobblestones. If you have ever been to the South Street Seaport in New York City or down on the Battery in Charleston, you know something about cobblestones and how tricky it would be to ride a skinny-tired bike on them. Now imagine those roads but poorly maintained. If fact, imagine a horde of Brittons out on the roads in the middle of the night selectively pulverizing stones with sledgehammers so that the ones which are left wiggle like a seven year-old’s incisors.
2004 had something like 3 kilometers of this hell. 2010 includes more like 13. A strong, nay brutish team is key to making it through in good order and Euskatel does not do brutish. It remains to be seen if Team Astana has the heft. They do have 2009 Tour champion Alberto Contador, and Contador is fast as blazes. He is also a past winner of the other major tours in Italy and Spain. He also won the Paris-Nice this year, an early season multi-day stage race. He’s also 27, the age at which cycling boys become cycling men. Contador is the main individual who has claim to the maillot jaune in this year’s race, but he does not have the team which led him to previous victories.
Much of that team is now with the Bill Clinton of cycling, Lance Armstrong. His Radio Shack team (unfortunately marketed as “The Shack”) has the most experience and heavy hitters. Experience and heavy hitting is good, but youthful vigor and endurance are important too. If the Shackers don’t command the race from the outset, and especially through the pah-vay, Lance will more than have his hands full with the likes of Contador or, perhaps as likely, the brothers Schleck.
Say that with me.
Schleck.
Schleckity Schleck Schleck.
Frank and Andy are the Luxembourgers (not a food) who lead Team Saxo Bank. Though young themselves, they have an experienced crew around them and, for my money, are just as threatening to Lance than Contador, if not more so. Another highly experienced group, Garmin-Transitions, should be one of my top picks if only for their brave adoption of argyle uniforms. Unfortunately, they lack a tip-top leader on the level of those aforementioned to carry the mantle. They also have an unfortunate Director Sportif in Jonathan Vaughters who makes me want to grab a trash can and hurl every time he opens his mouth. Maybe he feels self-conscious about never having completed the Tour, but his effeteness shows through with every utterance.
Another group of experienced Tour hands have come together around one of this year’s exciting young wranglers, the Pride of Lillehammer: Edvald Boasson Hagen. Despite being sponsored by ubermedia titan Rupert Murdoch’s Sky Television, Team Sky has put together a fairly impressive group of riders who can lift Boasson Hagen into contention. Young Edvald may or may not be ready to be thrust into such a position, but I hope we get to say his name a lot. Boasson Hagen, Boasson Hagen, Boasson Hagen. BoassonHagen!
George! Georgie! Georgie Hincapie! My love for George is well documented, but I’m afraid I am a bit short on confidence. True, he is riding with and for perennial also ran Cadel Evans but the field may be just too crowded this time around for Cadel. If anyone can pull him through, it is George Hincapie, but that could be a long haul. Also truckin’ through the night will be the Lampre squad who live in the hope of the resurrection of Damiano Cunego as a podium finisher. That such a thing could happen is, after all, why we run the races.
We also run the races so that Russian oligarchs can sponsor teams with funny names like Katusha. You know, like the rockets? Yes, that Katusha. Katusha has enough, ahem, firepower to deserve to be in the Tour de France, but I would be shocked, SHOCKED, to see them come out on top. If they could start up a big rivalry with Kazakh oligarch-sponsored Astana, then maybe we could even get Gasprom to join in the fun. These New Europeans surely know some old tricks about doping from their days as Soviet satellites.
Speaking of reaching orbital speed, the sprinters will definitely continue to be interesting this year. Although we have yet to see a replacement for the sheer power and majesty of the Lion King, Mario Cippolini, we do have the exciting young Mark Cavendish. Without Georgie in his lead-out train, it remains to be seen if Cavendish will be able to use his formidable skills to as great effect as years past, but it will be fun to see him try to outrun the power of Thor’s hammer. That being Thor Hushovd, of course. Thor has never truly benefited from a great lead-out team, so he stands a fighting chance in a mano-a-mano contest with the speed of Cavendish.
From the sprinters to the climbers to the overall contenders, this year’s Tour is truly anyone’s race. At 37, Lance has something to prove about his durability and Contator et al want the chance to be the master on his own terms. The back drop of small towns, soaring peaks, and broad fields is always beautiful. Phil Ligget and Paul Sherwin are never as annoying as vuvuzelas. It’s time to quit playing with your balls and start witnessing the highest form of suffering invented by man.