Here’s my deal with Lance: I started out thinking they were haters, then I thought he had to level the field, and now I’m convinced that he really is a jerk. Or something unairable on this family program. Actually, I’ve always had the impression that, for all he has accomplished, Lance would not the kind of guy I would enjoy hanging out with. He has always struck me as one of those people who was driven in a way that might be admirable, but was not necessarily easy to be around. I would have put the guys at Goldman Sachs in the same category.
As it turns out, they are really just jerks. Lance’s discipline with his team and with the press was self-protective. We know now that he did, indeed have something to hide. At first though, I thought that apparent self-discipline and determined application of willpower were things that maybe I should emulate, if not to the same extreme. In December 1999, I did buy a road bike. I rode it pretty hard for about 10 years. I also sought out recognition and as much remuneration as my conscience would abide. It became apparent soon enough that I was no Lance Armstrong.
Whatever shame I felt about was a waste of time in and of itself, but how much more so given the fact that Lance was not Lance either. Nor was Goldman Sachs. At this point it’s clear me that willful pursuit of self-identified ends is never sustainable. The people who have been really good at what they do for a long time have a certain love for the way in which that vocation allows them to serve other people. This love of service is attractive. It naturally draws other people in.
I believe Lance had that for LIVESTRONG. He really can look a cancer patient in the eye and say, “I survived and you can too.” There are people suffering from cancer right now who will not accept that Lance doped because their hope lies in Lance having overcome it all. I cannot begin to imagine what sort of strength it takes to face chemo.
Again.
And again.
And yet again.
If believing that Lance is clean works for someone, that’s great. I am sorry for Lance that he won’t be able to serve people that way anymore.