Now I don’t know about you, but I talk to inanimate objects all of the time. For instance, I’ll sweet talk a printer any day of the week, except perhaps Sunday. Actually, never on a Sunday. Still, the printer likes a little sweetness, a little tenderness, and it does not care if you are being sincere or not. Do not, however, try to bully or guilt trip the printer. Your thesis will be in shreds on the floor and you will be in tears.
All of this might be avoided, of course, by not buying a cheap printer. The old saw “you get what you pay for” is as true for printers as it is for bowling shoes, heavy duty drive shafts, and ping pong paddles. Betsy, the keeper of the O’Fro, was thinning my hair with a razor this morning when she found the blades she had bought at a discount were inferior. Not a surprise really, but she did not talk to the razor about it. Probably because there were other people in the room.
When I discovered a downy fuzz of silk protruding from the edges of a relatively new bow tie recently, I was none too please, and I gave the offending cravat a piece of my mind. “The ties I get from Brooks Brothers don’t deteriorate like this!” I ranted. Of course this tie had come more cheaply, but it is still a tie, and a bow tie at that. One should be able to expect a certain level of endurance from such a classic sartorial statement. Staring in the mirror, I asked if the tie weren’t ashamed to be in such a frazzled state. “No” it replied from around my neck, “I’m a frayed knot.”
Ouch.
But you are so right about talking to machines. I used to get funny looks, talking to the xerox machine (not a real xerox, but a good brand nonetheless) commiserating with it and encouraging it to try just a little harder. It’s important to let the machine know you understand how it’s feeling. Tired, or confused, or most especially Not Appreciated! How often does the car get thanks for starting, or the copy machine for producing a hundred collated copies? Machines are just like people. Are they not made from atoms swirling in concert? Do they not bleed? (Ink, transmission fluid…) Good for you, J. Let’s continue to remind others by example to speak kindly to all our machine friends.