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The following is a transcript of a call placed this morning to Susan Lucci’s cell phone:

Ringing

Ringing

Raspy Male Southern Voice: “C’mon now, pick up.”

Ringing

Ringing

Same voice: “Damn, it’s goin’ to voicemail.”

Ringing

Susan Lucci: “Hi, this is Susan.  Sorry I missed your call but you know its nothing personal, at least that is what they kept telling me [giggles]”

Voicemail: “To leave a message, press one or just stay on the line.  To leave a call back number, press two…..Recording.”

Beep

Raspy Male Southern Voice: “Susan, this is Bill.  We met when I did that fundraiser in Bel Aire in ’91? Look, I’m having a hard time with this Nobel thing.  Seriously. Oslo? Dayton? North Korea?  And I promise you I can turn out 250,000 in Berlin.  That little Irish crooner owes me.  Anyway, Chelsea said to give you a call because you know how to look cool in these situations.  DAMN THOSE NORWEGIANS AND THEIR WHITE GUILT.  Sorry ’bout that.  So look, I’m in Chappaqua all day.  Gimme a call at home.  Oh, and I’m looking for Kanye’s number if you have it.  [click]”