Where oh where are you tonight?

Loyal readers know that I am a busy guy.  Busy busy busy.  Doing important deals and meeting with important people.  That’s why I schedule my dentist appointments for the very first thing in the morning.  Got to get in there and Get. It. Done.  Oral hygiene is important, as Thunder the Wonder Dog (who has had several teeth pulled) can tell you.  Or he would tell you but he is a dog and they can’t even talk in the Land of Oz.

So I went to my early early time for busy people to go to the dentist appointment yesterday first thing.  I got there before opening time, and I saw Vera, my hygienist, walking into the rear entrance of the building.  This was good because Vera is always late, which is very annoying to a very busy guy.  After a respectable moment, I walked in  the front entrance of the building.  “Oh, we’ll let her know you are here,” said the nice lady behind the counter.  So I sat.  And did not read the paper.  The paper was being blocked, but not read, by the woman jabbing at her iberry in the corner.  I settled for a garden magazine.

Sure enough, here comes Vera to the counter.  “Good deal” thought I because I thought I might soon head for the back and get my cleaning on.  But instead, Vera started telling cat stories to the ladies behind the counter.  I wanted to scream “What the hell?” I wanted to ask her why this was so important when I was there and ready for my appointment.  It was three minutes — three minutes — after my appointed time.  She finished up her cat story and walked away from the desk.  I would have registered my complaint, I would have asked for a new hygienist, but I think it is best not to antagonize the person who may soon be sticking sharp metal objects in my gums.  I kept silent.

Then the door to the back open and in it was a woman who was not Vera but who was calling my name and asking me to come with her.  But I could not go with her.  She was not my hygienist.  She was Lori.  Lori seemed new.  She had the room farthest away.  Lori wore a plastic shield over her entire face which made it hard to understand her when she spoke.

Vera always worked right to left, first the back then the front, first the top then the bottom.  I could always tell how far we had gotten and how much was left to go when Vera scraped my gums.  Lori’s cleaning followed no perceptible pattern.  I could not bemoan the number of teeth yet to clean or relish the task almost completed.  It just started then stopped and left me dizzy.  Lori did not even call the dentist so we could chit chat about families and he could oh and ah over my stellar teeth.  Lori got me out of there in less than forty minutes.  I want Vera back.